Make Me See
by Skate95
Summary: (AU) He saw the world in black and gray, because that's all the world was, darkness and shadows. He had plunged into a lightless world long ago, void of life, love and redemption. There was no way out, this he knew. Then why did this boy seem to spark something deep within him that he'd thought he'd lost? His light was gone... right?
1. Running Up That Hill

**A/N: Hey there. I thought I'd try my hand at a RiSo fic. They are my favorite pairing next to Hopurai, so I figured it was about time to give it a shot. Please be kind. I love Riku and Sora together. I think they are just perfect for each other and it's such a tragedy that Square isn't cool enough to make them canon. **

**For my other fanfic readers, I know I should update my other stories and I will soon. Promise. I've been having inspiration issues and writer's block but I think this little fic here might have given me my kick start back into the fanfic scene.**

**I'll decide whether or not to continue this based on the response it gets. Hope you all like. Review please :D**

**Chapter song: Running Up That Hill by Placebo**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or Square Enix**

* * *

**_Tell me we both matter, don't we?_**

The night was calm, serene. It was odd for the city. Usually it was bustling at any time of day, even if it was ten at night. But maybe it was busy and loud and utterly packed with people as usual. Maybe his mind just couldn't register all the outside noise, the lives beyond its own. It was too focused on the fog surrounding it. His brain was working on overtime trying to comprehend the fact that he was bleeding profusely and that he might not make it to see another day. Because he was losing his life. In that dark alleyway, shivering next to a grimy dumpster, he was dying.

Sora took a shaky breath that hitched as soon as he attempted to move his body. The shock of his situation was beginning to subside as he attempted to get up. He had to get up. He had to get help. There was no way that he was just going to let himself die. Slowly, the brunet lifted his quaking arm and clawed at the wall beside him, trying to pull himself into a sitting position against it. Desperately his fingers scraped against the brick, pieces of his nails eventually chipping off while he couldn't seem to muster up enough strength to pull himself up. With a huff, Sora gave up, his back colliding back down with the familiar cold concrete.

Finding that he wasn't going to be able to leave the alley on his own, Sora attempted to call for help. The young man drew in a breath and started to cry out for assistance. What came out was nothing but a scratchy call that couldn't have been heard from more than three feet away. His eyes widened when he realized this. His throat was dry and sore. It wasn't capable of calling for help. But Sora wasn't just gonna lay down and die. No, he wouldn't give up. _I'm stronger than this. _Again and again, he tried to call, to scream for someone, anyone to help him. No matter how hard he fought though, nothing was coming out but harsh whispers.

Panic began to set in, causing his eyelids to slam shut. He wasn't going to make it. If he couldn't find help, if he couldn't call for help... he'd surely die. His gaze went to his cell phone about five feet from his fingertips. It was smashed. Dead for sure. He could see his poor phone's shiny, little mechanical guts hanging out. It would be no help either.

His only hope would be for someone to find him, but he doubted anyone would. He was in an alleyway that was known for trouble. People tended to stay as far away from it as possible for their own safety. He was screwed.

_I shouldn't have left... If I hadn't have gone out, I could be home right now. _But would that have been better? Would sitting at home wrapped in a bundle of loneliness and self-loathing be better? He'd be alive, sure. But he'd be miserable as he was. _I was almost there. All I wanted was to see you. To see your beautiful face again and tell you how much I love you. It was a mistake. Everything I said, I didn't mean any of it. God, I'm so sorry. I love you, Riku._

Tears began to run down tanned cheeks as he realized that he wouldn't be able to tell his beloved any of this. He wouldn't be able to see Riku ever again. He wouldn't be able to see anyone ever again. It was over.

Pain shot through him again, sharply tearing the brunet from his thoughts. He began coughing, choking on his own blood. It bubbled up his throat and he couldn't stop it. The disgusting metallic tasting liquid caused him to cough and gag. His end was nearing. There was no doubt about it.

* * *

The lights began to swirl and swirl and swirl around him. They were actually driving him insane a little. His buzz was beginning to wear off, no doubt the cause of reality crashing around him. The music was no longer livening him up, it was just mere noise. The lights that always fit the scene and beat now only gave him a headache. The alcohol in his system wasn't keeping his torrent of thoughts at bay, but was making him sick. The girl he was dancing with and had grinding into his lap wasn't turning him on, just reminding him even more of how disgusted he was with himself.

Riku slowly danced to a stop as he realized that he no longer wanted to be there. He shouldn't have gone to that stupid club in the first place. By trying to distract himself from the pain, he only caused his state of heartbreak to increase. He didn't need to be here. He needed to be with Sora.

As he began to leave the dance floor and come up with a plan to get his little brunet to answer the door, a hand shot out and grasped his pale arm, sparkly red nails lightly digging into his skin. He turned to find his dance partner gripping him tightly, attempting to yank him back into the chaotic world he didn't want to be a part of any longer.

"C'mon, Ku. A few more dances", pled the blonde in an obnoxious whine.

He shook his head and pointed a thumb toward the door. "I'm gonna head out. Just not feelin' it tonight."

The girl giggled and continued to pull on his tense limb. "Oh, you just need another drink. I think I may need one too." This suggestion was accompanied by a wink and a flirty smile.

Riku grimaced as he shook the clingy woman off of him, leading her to frown. _What an annoying slut. _He was trying not to be rude, but really this girl was agitating the hell out of him. The silveret just wanted to get out. He wasn't a part of this anymore. He didn't need this. He needed Sora. "No thanks", he ground out before pushing and shoving his way out the side exit, ignoring the nameless girl's calls.

He was met with a burst of cool, crisp air to the face. It was calming and wonderful. He needed to learn to appreciate the air and the serenity of the night more. The bass of the music was still blaring from inside the building but he paid it no mind. Bringing his phone out of his pocket, he began dialing as he walked off towards his destination.

His call went directly to voicemail. A sigh passed through pale lips. _Did he really not want to talk to me so much that he shut off his phone? Whatever... _He wondered momentarily if he should just go home. Sora was probably gonna leave him to stand on the porch until he had to leave. But he decided that even if Sora didn't want to see him, he wanted to see Sora. He needed to see him. He needed to see that gorgeous smile and those deep blue eyes again.

He was a few blocks away from the club when his feet came to a halt. Riku stood confused, hearing something weird. It sounded like... choking. Riku's eyebrows rose as he heard the coughs get louder and harsher. Turning his head, he looked down the alley he'd stopped beside and although there was only a dim light, he could see a pair of legs sticking out from beside a dumpster.

_Someone's probably ODing. _He was about to continue walking to Sora's when his conscious kicked in, telling him that he should help the poor unfortunate bastard, even if the situation was the person's own fault.

With a long sigh, Riku quickly walked toward the choking person on the ground. "Hey, are you..." The first thing he noticed was the broken cell phone on the cement a ways away. It looked familiar. _But what phone doesn't these days?_ But then he caught sight of the shoes. Now he knew those converse anywhere. "Sora!"

He jolted forward and ran to the person's side. It was none other than his love, lying there, helplessly bleeding to death. "Oh, god, Sora. What the hell happened to you?" He reached for the brunet's hand and grasped it tightly in his, turquoise eyes brimming with tears.

This wasn't right. This was Sora. His bright blue hues shouldn't have been that dull and scared. Those sounds weren't supposed to come from those lips. Those lips Riku once kissed so tenderly and passionately. And that dark red... That color was not supposed to cover him. The silveret never wanted to see Sora's blood.

Aside from the obvious bullet wound, there were bruises and cuts littered along his body. Tears were falling from his terrified eyes that didn't seem to be able to focus. The only sounds Sora seemed to be able to emit were the coughs and the choking that Riku winced at. Growing fear and anger rose within the elder, but he couldn't let his emotions take him, he needed to focus on keeping Sora alive and saving him.

Prying his eyes away from Sora's dying body, Riku began calling for help, praying that an ambulance would be able to come in time. He dialed and took off his sweatshirt, pushing it down on Sora's abdomen, applying pressure to the wound. It was all he could do really. The hospital was too far away to run there carrying him. And Riku didn't know the extent of Sora's wounds. Moving him could cause permanent damage or kill him faster. All he knew was that if Sora died, he would too. _I'm so sorry. Don't die on me. I love you. _

Sora couldn't focus on anything but the choking and the loss of air. Black spots were forming in his vision. Through it all he suddenly felt someone holding his hand. He could hardly tell if this was so though, his body was quickly going numb. He thought someone was there, but that could just be his optimism again. He thought he saw someone too, but it couldn't be. He was going to die in this alleyway alone, in pain and terrified.

That's when he heard it. Someone was calling his name. Over and over. Distantly, he knew it was Riku. Riku had found him. Riku was there for him.

It was too late. Nothing could save him. He would die. But he was okay with that now. Sora couldn't choose a better way to die. He was in his lover's arms. He could die happy.


	2. I'm in Here

**A/N: So this took much longer than it should have. I apologize. Hope you like and review :D**

**Chapter song: I'm in Here (Piano/Vocal Version) by Sia**

**Reviewers- **

**Guest – I'm not a fan of death fics, so I don't think I would write one ;)**

**LightPhantom742 – Thanks again for your awesome reviews. They are always so thorough and bring a smile to my face every time. And yes, the first chapter is not really the start of the story and more a scene from the middle. **

**ChococlateChocobo2017 – Thanks so much!**

* * *

_**Stuck inside these walls, tell me there is hope for me…**_

He shot up in bed, sweat dripping from his brow as the screams rang in his ears, echoing through his mind. His body shuddered and convulsed, his breathing rapid enough to convince anyone that he had been running a marathon instead of sleeping. It took a few moments before Sora realized that it had all been a nightmare. One of the many vicious nightmares that had been tormenting him for such a large portion of his life. _You're all right. Just calm down. No need to throw yourself into a panic attack. _Minutes passed as he sat there panting, letting the momentary panic subside and reality set in. After his breathing had gone back into its normal rhythm, he shoved the covers off of himself and shivered a bit as the cool morning air drifted over his sweat-slicked skin. The brunet remained sitting there, his legs now hanging off the side of the bed as the soles of his feet just touched the cold wood paneling of his bedroom floor, images of his hellish dream fading as the time dragged on.

It had been so long ago, years had passed, yet the nightmares hadn't left him. They probably never would, or so he told himself. His therapist he'd had when he was younger had been far too kind when he'd said that they would fade, along with the memories. They most likely would never disappear, but the pain and shock would lessen as time went on. Eight years. It'd been eight years and yet it all was still as clear as the day before.

He could still feel the overwhelming heat that had scorched his flesh. The thick, black smoke still reeked and burned his lungs as he remembered it. The brilliant orange flames were forever burned into the inside of his eyelids, reminding him of his past every time he closed his eyes. It was all so painful. But the worst was the screams and cries. The cries of those he loved that he could never save.

The eighteen year old sighed as he finally pushed himself up from the bed and stretched as he stood. It was only the beginning of summer so the morning air still left a chill in his apartment, leading Sora to pull a long-sleeved thermal shirt over his exposed torso. It would begin to heat up soon enough though so his bottom half remained covered in only his boxers.

Wandering into the bathroom, he went to the sink to splash some cool water on his face, attempting to wake himself up and get rid of the clammy feeling. Shutting off the water, Sora's eyes drifted up to the beveled mirror hanging before him. Aside from the last drops of water dripping down his tan face, his blue irises took notice of every detail. The bags under his eyes that looked almost bruising. His lips that were far too chapped to be healthy. His skin that was noticeably paler, if only minutely so. All in all, he was a mess. And not just because his permanent bedhead dictated so.

"Hey", came a smooth and deep voice from the doorway.

It had been a low, calm call, but it had been so unexpected that it had caused Sora to literally jump. With a hand over his racing heart, fingertips brushing over his crown necklace, Sora turned toward the speaker. "Leon", spoke Sora, exasperated. "Jeez, don't do that to me."

Leon, a man of twenty-five years, stood leaning against the entrance of the bathroom. A plain white t-shirt, black leather pants and zip up boots adorned his muscular yet slender body, many belts loosely slung on his hips. His griever necklace hung around his neck as usual, its origin still unknown to Sora. His hair was a deep chocolate brown and swept down to his broad shoulders. Years of pain, worry and heartache were written on his face in the form of the creases and lines that lied on his forehead and around his eyes as well as the very noticeable scar that lied diagonally across his face. Despite his past the man held a calm and caring aura, at least around Sora.

Sora's reaction caused Leon's lips to quirk up slightly as he crossed his arms. "You look like hell, kid."

The teen's brows furrowed as he frowned. _Blunt as always. _"Yeah, I'm aware." Scooting past Leon, Sora walked towards the kitchen, looking to put on some coffee before hitting the shower.

Leon's presence in his home was usual for Sora. The man came by often to check on him, especially around this time of year. Leon even had a key to his place, no doubt how he got in that very morning. He was like an older brother to the teen. Leon was family. Sora smiled at the thought.

"I know this week's going to be tough, but-"

"You don't have to worry about me, Leon. I'm all right", replied Sora as he cut him off. He finished filling the machine with water and grounds before switching it on, eagerly awaiting his morning pick-me-up to brew.

A tsk was heard before Leon strode into the kitchen beside his younger friend to give him a look of disapproval. "No, you're not." Sora bit his lip and looked away as Leon attempted to make eye contact. A sigh fell from the elder's lips before he continued. "It's only in a few more days."

Sora's jaw clenched before he pushed himself away from the counter to give Leon a weak smile. "I know, and I'll be fine."

He was lying. Leon had known Sora for far too long for a lie to go undetected. Sora was a horrible liar anyway. Far too expressive, he was. "Well, just the same, Cloud and I would like to take you out for breakfast. Our treat."

Sora beamed and pounced on Leon, smothering the man in a hug before racing off to the bathroom, presumably to shower. "So much for coffee."

* * *

The brunet was practically bouncing in his seat at the table, already ready to order. Leon and Cloud ignored Sora's overly enthusiastic attitude, being very used to his antics, and continued skimming over their own menus. Sora loved going to breakfast with Cloud and Leon. Breakfast with them always meant breakfast at Aerith's, a small diner named after its owner, their friend, Aerith. The food was always superb, cooked by her husband, Zack. The diner was warm and cozy, beautiful flowers adorning the counters. The look and ambiance of the place matched perfectly with Aerith. Sora found it extremely fitting that the restaurant held her name.

Impatiently, Sora sat and stared at the two in front of him, both taking entirely too long to pick out their meals. _It's not like we don't know the menu by heart by now!_

"You're shaking the table, you know", commented Cloud, eyes not leaving their reading. This was a warning for Sora to calm down, which he did. Well, his leg stopped bouncing at least. "Thank you."

Cloud was Leon's partner. They lived together in the same apartment building as Sora, just a few stories down. Sora had known Cloud about as long as he'd known Leon. He was also like an older brother to the teen, not as overprotective, but pretty close. The man had spikey blond hair with very soft features and a figure that almost matched Leon's, if not a bit lankier and an inch shorter. He was currently wearing his delivery uniform since he had to go to work directly after breakfast. There was a lot about Cloud that Sora liked, but the most intriguing part about him was his eyes. Those blue eyes seemed to always hold a fierceness in their gaze, like the man was ready to strike at any moment, despite his usual nonchalant demeanor.

"I didn't see you all come in", spoke a soft voice. Aerith, a very sweet woman with long brown hair tied back partially by a pink ribbon, came up to the table, a delighted smile on her face and a small notebook in her hand. She wore a pink dress with a crisp white apron tied over it. "It's been awhile, Sora. You just got out of school, correct?"

Sora stood and gave the woman a large hug before sitting back down. Aerith had such a gentle soul and the young man loved just being in her presence. "Yup! All graduated and everything. And I'm sorry I haven't been around much, Aer, I was really busy-"

"With school, I know. Don't worry about it. You going to college", she asked expectantly, already knowing the answer. Aerith was big on education. She had wanted to be a teacher before finding her dreams in owning and running the diner beside her husband.

A roll of the eyes was given as Sora answered. "Of course. Timeless River University in the fall."

The brunet woman's eyes lit up as she gave the boy another excited hug. "Oh really, Sora? That's wonderful!" Timeless River had been where Aerith had gone to college. She prided herself on it. She had been the first in her family to graduate from a university.

"We're all very happy and proud", spoke Leon as he lowered the menu to meet Sora's gaze.

Sora bashfully scratched the back of his head in return. "Anyways… can we order yet?"

"Not ready", Cloud claimed as he gave Leon a wry smile.

Sora pouted at this. He was pretty sure that the two elders only did this to torture him. "Aw man."

"Go ahead." Aerith brought her pen out of her apron's pouch. "We'll be here all day if we wait for these geezers." The woman gave him a wink as she readied herself to write.

Sora grinned. "Heh, not as long as waiting on Cid." This earned a chuckle from the whole group for how terribly true it was. The only person who took longer than him was Merlin, but his visits were few. "I'll have-"

"Oh I think I have an idea. The Symphony of Sorcery, correct?"

The brunet nodded eagerly. It was his favorite breakfast and was Zack's best dish if you asked him. There had been talk of removing the dish a year before, but since it was Sora's favorite, it stayed. "Don't forget the-"

"Extra chocolate sauce and strawberries, I know." Aerith began walking back to the kitchen, quickly speaking to Cloud and Leon over her shoulder. "Have your orders ready when I get back, you two."

"Yes ma'am" the two spoke simultaneously.

The blond sighed and closed his menu, raising a brow at the teen before him. "So predictable. Must you have such a sweet tooth in the morning?"

"What are you talking about? I have a sweet tooth all day."

"Aren't you a little old to still be getting the Symphony of Sorcery", grumbled Leon.

Sora scoffed. "Aren't you a little young to be so grouchy? Lighten up."

This earned a snort from Cloud and a glare from Leon. "Yeah, papa bear. Chillax."

Brunet brows furrowed as Leon gave his partner a displeased look. "Chillax? Really?" Cloud only shrugged his shoulders and waved Aerith over as she emerged from the kitchen. "Whatever you say, mama bear."

Sora began cracking up with laughter and Aerith rose a curious brow as Leon's chair suddenly and mysteriously fell out from under him.

* * *

After breakfast, paying, saying their goodbyes to Aerith, and seeing Cloud off, Leon and Sora stood outside of the diner, alone again.

The eighteen year old sighed happily, extremely pleased with his meal. Leon was surprised, as always, that Sora's stomach was not ready to explode. Eating that large of a stack of pancakes was no small feat. And with how thoroughly drenched the fluffy things were in syrup and sweets, it was amazing that the kid hadn't fallen into a sugar coma. "Time for work", inquired the elder man as he pulled on his gloves and jacket.

And like that, Sora's chipper mood vanished, a wavering smile soon taking place over his satisfied grin. While putting on his own jacket, his gaze remained firmly planted on the ground. "A-Actually, Leon, I was gonna go visit my…" It was a few hours before he had to go to work, and it was the perfect day for his weekly visit to the hospital.

Leon's expression hardened for a moment as he stared at Sora. "Your mother", finished Leon. How he hated that woman.

Toeing the ground for a moment, one of his fidgeting habits he decided, the young brunet bit his lip. "Yeah… I mean I don't have to work until two."

A moment of silence passed before Leon nodded. "I'll go with you then."

This caused Sora's head to shoot up. "It's fine. You don't need to." Shaking his head, the young man grabbed onto Leon's jacket as he began to walk toward the trolley. He knew of Leon's feelings towards his mother. Although he'd never verbally expressed them, it was obvious even to Sora. And he could be quite oblivious to things. "Don't you have work?"

"Not until four." The man then turned and put a heavy hand on Sora's shoulder, stopping the younger from speaking further. "I'm coming."

Sora's jaw snapped shut. Once Leon made a decision, it was final.

The ride seemed to take forever while it also didn't seem to take long enough. Visiting his mother always made Sora feel uneasy.

On one hand, he dreaded seeing his mother in the state she was in. He couldn't stand to see the only other surviving member of his family like that. And the whole experience of visiting proved problematic towards his mental state. The moment his eyes would hit the building, the memories would rush into his mind, giving him head spins.

But on the other, there was hope. Sora hoped with all his heart that he would find things different. That that one time of visiting his mother would prove fruitful. Sora would walk into the room and be welcomed in with loving arms by a woman who had always held such bright eyes and a brilliant smile. Those flickering flames of hope always died out every visit though. But it didn't stop the embers from lighting back up before the next one.

As much as he wished it to not be so, today was like all the others. As he stood within his mother's room in Queen Heart's Psychiatric Facility, the hope died back out, once again. Sora sat beside his mom's bed, in a cushiony chair one of the nurses donated in their pity, and took his mom's limp hand, his head hung low. Her eyes never met his. They never held that same blue glow that she had been known for and that Sora had gotten from her. No, instead her now dull gaze stared out the open window, looking out at nothing in particular.

Leon stood with his arms crossed and leaned against the wall. These visits made him sick. He never understood how a woman could just shut down like that and completely disregard her child. Yes, the woman had lost a husband and a son. But she still had her youngest. Sora was still alive. Still alive and waiting for his mother to come back.

In Leon's mind, it seemed as though Sora had lost all of his family. The woman had been like this since she found out. She refused to eat, hardly moved, and never talked. Sora would come to find not his mother, but an empty shell. The woman hadn't even had to witness the event. She hadn't been there. Sora had. Yet he was still living, carrying on his life. To him, Sora was one of the strongest people he knew, especially compared to his worthless mother. _She just lays there when he needs her. What a waste of a woman. _

"I'm so sorry mom", Sora whispered. "I should have stayed. Maybe if I had they wouldn't have…" His gaze dropped for a moment as he gently caressed his mother's pale hand. "I miss you so much." _Why won't you speak to me? Look at me? _A masculine hand soon drifted through his messy locks, soothing him.

The elder brunet stood beside Sora now, hiding his disgust for the mother before him. "I'll say it again, their deaths were not your fault. Far from it." He knelt down beside Sora, assuring eye contact. Sora smiled in response but only continued to sit there, clutching onto the practically dead woman's hand.

* * *

The two emerged from the building, Sora feeling very emotionally drained and Leon feeling extremely concerned. "What time do you have to be at the café", questioned Leon. He stood directly in front of Sora, taking in the kid's reaction to the day's previous events. It was an understatement to say that the visits left Sora shaken up. He remembered the boy saying earlier that his work was at two. This was a small attempt at directing his thoughts elsewhere.

He shook his head a bit, coming out of his thoughts and smiled at Leon. "Not until two. I have a few hours. I think I'm gonna walk home." Sora lived about ten blocks from the mental hospital. It was quite a ways, but it was a beautiful morning.

"Tifa asked for some help with something at the bar. I can walk you home first if you want."

Sora waved him off. "Nah, it's all right. Go help out Tifa. Oh and Yuffie's working today." A cheeky grin came over his tan face as Leon lightly shoved him over.

"I swear if she calls me 'Squally' one more time…"

A chilled wind past over the two for a moment, leading Sora to shiver and shove his exposed hands deep into his pockets. As he did so, Sora discovered something odd in his pocket that he didn't remember putting in there. Pulling it out, he noticed it was a small plastic bottle with a note attached.

_Thought you might need a little present to brighten up your day_

Sora's smile grew at the little signature smiley face that had two hearts for eyes. _Kairi. _He pulled off the sticky note to reveal that it was a bottle of purple bubbles. Sora chuckled, drawing Leon's attention.

The elder quirked a brow and smirked. "Aren't you a bit old for bubbles?"

Sticking his tongue out, Sora huffed. "Aren't you a bit young to be such a downer?"

"Whatever", replied Leon as he rolled his eyes and began to walk towards the trolley. "Be careful. I'll see ya later."

Sora began walking in the opposite direction. The sun shone brilliantly over Twilight Town. The streets and sidewalks were busy with the hustle and bustle of everyday activities. The town had grown into more of a city over the many years of its existence, but that was just fine with Sora. As he walked along the sidewalks, shoulder to shoulder with the strangers around him, he tuned everything out. He focused on the radiant sun shining down on his face, the cool breeze drifting through his brunet locks, the calmness that came over him at that moment.

It was in that moment that he wished he could have his brother by his side again. His brother had always taken him out where they would go explore and cause all kinds of mischief, as their dad would say.

Deciding that he needed a bit of distraction from those thoughts, Sora pulled out the bubbles. He would really have to thank Kairi later. She was far too kind and knew him too well. The throng of people had thinned out quite a bit as he made it into the quieter part of the city. It was still busy, just calmer and more residential. Long fingers began to swirl the plastic stick around within the bottle. Bringing the wand to his lips, Sora blew. He watched as multiple little bubbles and a few large ones began to drift in the air around him, the subtle purple hue catching in the sunlight. He laughed as one came back into his face and popped against his cheek.

Sora was about to blow some more when he suddenly felt himself run into something akin to a brick wall. He fell sideways onto a stoop, his head smacking against the concrete and his new bubbles spilling all down his front.

* * *

Riku awoke around ten, groggy and dazed. He lied there for a while after seeing how early it was and attempted to fall back asleep. Despite being in a completely relaxed state, lying in a pile of extremely soft sheets, and drinking in the wondrous heat that filled his home, sleep eluded him.

So the silveret got up from his bed and left the room, nothing covering him except for his sweats slung low on his hips. Fingers combed through his silver tresses as he sat and ate toast with jam for breakfast. He wasn't a big fan of toast but he needed some way of eating up the jam. It was made by his sister, Namine, who had taken over making the stuff from their mother. Every month, or when he was out, she would bring over a new container of her strawberry freezer jam. And every visit she would sneak a peek at how much was left in the container. Riku thought this was his sister's way of making sure he ate.

After his exciting breakfast, the nineteen year old sat on his hardwood floor in his art room, the sun shining through the window being the only light, and stared at his unfinished work on the canvas before him. Sharp golden eyes stared back at him, vicious malice locked within the irises, nothing but blackness surrounding them.

Riku began his work of finishing it off. The last touches of charcoal and black paint were swirled around the menacing eyes, bringing out the golden color further. He would have to buy some more black paint later after using the last of it.

His hobby was to paint and draw. Riku had loved drawing since he was small and was something he shared a passion for with his sister. The painting had come in his early teens. It was the one outlet he had for expression. The one thing he still wanted to do more than anything. It had grown into far more than a hobby. His art was his life.

As the painting had been completed, Riku sighed and left it to dry, soon getting up in favor of looking out the window. It was a bright and cheery day outside. Not that he cared much. He only went outside when necessary.

Riku had lived in Twilight Town for five months now. He lived in a three story brick townhouse owned by his elder brother, Sephiroth. Riku owed his life to his brother. Without him, the young man wouldn't know where he'd be. After escaping his dark and violent past in Hollow Bastion, Riku had started over. Sephiroth had been a huge factor in the new start process. His brother, who now lived in Radiant Garden, gave Riku a townhouse in Twilight Town to live in, gave him money to live off of, and would be paying for his college tuition when he went in the fall. As long as Riku focused on school and his future, Sephiroth was fine providing for him.

Riku pretty much only counted on his elder brother who was now twenty seven and his seventeen year old sister. Their father had divorced their mother six years back and they hadn't heard from him since. The man had never given them a reason. He just up and left.

Their mother pretty much despised all of her children. Riku's mom was a religious nut. She had taken her children to bible school and church all throughout their young lives. All of them had also gone to catholic school growing up. The three had grown up with the church as practically a second home. An unwelcome second home.

Sephiroth was the first to be kicked out of his mother's life. When he was nineteen, Sephiroth had announced to the family that he was gay. Their mother had not taken to that well at all. After months of trying to convince her son that it was wrong, that he would die and burn eternally in a fiery pit of hell, she had finally just given up. She then told him that she never wanted to see him again and that he was no longer welcome in her home. The rest of the family still saw him and visited him. Over years, Sephiroth became very successful with his own business, Genova Industries. His success not only helped him support himself but also his younger siblings later on when they needed him.

After Riku had gotten expelled from school at age seventeen and refused to go to another, his mother had kicked him out of the house. She had disowned him as well, being a disgrace to the family, just like his brother and father. Up until six months ago, Riku had lived with his friends continuing to do the terrible things he'd gotten caught up in. After a few horrible incidents he could never dwell on, he left that life behind. He had tried to apologize to his mother, but she would have none of it and refused to see him. In the end he turned to his brother who helped him get back on his feet and get his GED.

Two years back, Namine had gotten pregnant, the father being scum who paid her no mind after sleeping with her. The child, being out of wedlock, was not accepted in her mother's home. Namine had been given a choice, get rid of it or get kicked out. She had then gone to Sephiroth who had of course helped her out. She now lived in Sephiroth's old townhouse a block away from Riku with her own GED and her one year old son. She would also be going to university in the fall alongside her brother.

Riku turned away from the window, no longer able to look out at the beautiful day before him. He belonged in the darkness, away from all in the light.

The nineteen year old shuffled into the bathroom and towards the medicine cabinet. Avoiding the mirror, he opened the cabinet's door, readying himself for his daily routine. A pale hand grabbed a bottle of pills, the paper label having been torn off awhile back. Riku's jaw clenched as he unscrewed the lid and emptied the bottle's contents into his other hand. The numerous small tablets sat in his palm as he eyed them. He stared and he stared as he stood there. His aquamarine eyes took in the white color and the itty bitty pebble-like size. The teen counted them again. Nineteen. As always. Just enough to kill himself, as he had tried before. Every day, Riku would do this. As he did, he would recall his mistakes. What he had done in his life and how all of it had led to his biggest mistakes, his failures. To his suicide attempt. To him here. In his supposed success in escaping his old life.

Somehow by staring into those little pills, he found an inner peace. They reminded him of what he had overcome. That he could never take them again with the intent of taking his life. A small smile fought to show as he shoved the pills back in the bottle and put it back in its place upon its shelf.

But as the silveret shut the cabinet, he caught a glimpse of his reflection and it all tumbled back. The pain, the grief, the self-hatred. Riku hardly ever looked in the mirror except when necessary. For when he did, flashes of his past would consume him.

His shoulder blade burned, but the pain didn't register. He could see the blood dripping from his hair and into his eyes. It would forever stain his skin, he knew it. Images of that night flew into his mind. A smile. A balloon. A girl. A blade. A deed that could never be undone.

Eyelids slamming shut, the young man attempted to control his now rapid breathing, his teeth ripping into his lips relentlessly. As he began to calm, he let out a small, pained cry. He could now feel the burning in his shoulder blade. The pain tended to come when memories would take over his mind. It was part of carrying the mark. His mark. He would wear it forever…

Pushing those thoughts away as the pain lessened, Riku straightened up and made to take a shower. It was one of his favorite times of the day, showering. He would let the steaming hot water pour down on him, not only washing away all the filth currently on his skin, but also the disgusting grime of his past that he knew he could never rid himself of. As if the simple water of his shower could wash away the blood that had once stained his skin and, in his mind, always would remain. As if this water, the one thing that could still touch his skin and not become tainted, could wash away his sins.

The ring of his cell phone pulled Riku from his sanctuary. After turning off the water, removing himself from his small amount of bliss, and wrapping a towel around his waist, Riku went to get it. It was either from Sephiroth or Namine, for they were the only ones he talked to and who had his number. Since he rarely received anything from Sephiroth, his brother wasn't much for conversation, it was most likely Namine.

By the time he reached the cellular device, he had of course missed it. But his sister was kind enough to leave him a message.

"_Hey, Riku. I know you're home or at least have your phone on you. You're not screening my calls are you?" _He could hear Namine chuckle a bit into the phone. She knew that Riku would never avoid her calls. If he ever missed them, he always replied back soon. Usually in a text._ "I just called to say that I'm stopping by for a surprise visit in a couple of hours. Lucky you. See you soon!"_

Riku shook his head at Namine's message as a smile graced his lips. He texted her an '_Okay_', before getting himself and the place ready. Since it was just him and he kept the place up rather well, there wasn't much to clean. One check in his refrigerator though and he knew he'd have to head over to the market. _Wouldn't want sis to get the wrong idea. Ugh, it's not like I'm starving myself. Seriously, sometimes I wonder if my sister is more trouble than she's worth. Well, gotta stop for some black paint anyway. And some more brushes… _

With a sigh, the silveret snatched up his keys and left the safe confines of his house. His phone went off with a text, no doubt a reply from Namine, as he locked up. Realizing he'd probably need to rush in order to make it back before his little sister's 'visit', he picked up the pace considerably. Riku had begun reading his text when he seemed to knock into some beanpole of a kid who wasn't paying attention as well. _And now there's something sticky on me. A fucking great day this is going to be…_


End file.
